Day 2 - run in with the death fliers

this is an email i sent to some people at work. i dont think its that funny but after thinking about it for a while i find some humor in it. hope you feel the same.
last night i crawled into bed about 1130 pm here. thought i would sleep in as long as i could to combat the jet lag i still have left over. i awoke this morning just like the last one to the sound of birds chirping. something i was suprised to hear in this area of the world but none the less i had to pee so i got up.
now i dont know if you've been to an apartment here in kuwait, most sane people havent, but there is literally a 3" raised threshold on each door. something that i have lovenly named the toe-breaker 5000's. i have learned while fully awake to remain aware of their exsistence, and avoid kicking another one. btw still cant feel or extend 4 of my toes fully. evil little fuckers aren't they.
so back to this am. i woke up managed not to kick the one on the way out of my room or into the bathroom. (i hung up signs) finished up the morning void and headed to the kitchen to start the coffee. still with sleep in my eyes and no coffee i wasnt really paying attention. stepped over the threshold and opened the freezer where the coffee is kept. grabbed it and closed the freezer door. then turned around and was dived bombed by two little birds in my fucking kitchen. dropped the coffee to protect my face and....
when i woke up i realized what had happened. in the flying bitch slaps of fury that i was warding the birds off with, i stepped back and my heel hit the kitchen toe-breaker 5000. as i fell backwards still swinging like a 5 yr old in a battle with her brother my head cracked the threshold for the bathroom directly across from the kitchen.
"Fuck" i said to myself as i awoke and sat up rubbing the back of my head. damn winged spawns of satan were trying to kill me. and all i wanted to do is get a delicious cup of Hadji coffee. i stood back up and catiously entered the kitchen in the best karate stance i know. (btw i know nothing about karate so basically looked like a down-syndrome kid in some kind of extremity only seziure. )
no bird in sight i grabbed the broom and started to sweep up the coffee and mess of paper-towels the little bastards ripped apart to make a nest. finished cleaning up the mess and started my pot of coffee. on top of the fridge are my coco puffs so i reached for them and was about to make a bowl when i was attacked again.
i fell backwards (this time stepping over the toe-breaker to keep from falling, now i am in full backwards run escaping my demise. this time the bathtub took my legs out from under me. i fell into the bathtub shrieking in what most people would attribute to a squirrel in a blender type scream. dont worry though i took the shower curtain rod and curtain with me. we all are still feeling the pain of the bathtub fancy stone they use to make the shower walls. that shit is real they spare no expense here.
so all in all i have had two concussions and 4 damaged toes. but i finally figured out where the airborne attempted murders were coming from. there is a vent in the kitchen with a built in fan much like the bathroom one i am used to at home. since the incidents today i have decided that perticular fan will stay on to ward off the attackers and help me to sleep at night