The dog and the ECP

For those of you that have been following this, its been a while since I posted anything. Sorry about that. Working a lot and dont always have time to write a blog. I promise I will try and be better about it. It takes me a while to type one up. Bet you couldnt guess, even though my punctuation, spelling, and grammar are soooo fantastic.

I arrived home on the 20th of June (my bday) for two days off. I earned it just coming off a 6 days stretch. Only two calls to really speak of and nothing that required me really working too hard so besides 24 hrs on for 6 straight, it wasnt so bad. Call one was a repeat offender of whom my partner at the time had spoken to a couple of hours prior to dispatch making me leave the comfort of my AC. We rush out to the 100 bay wash rack (all vehicles leaving theater have to be completely cleaned to keep cross-bringing-shit-to-the-US down) for a unknown party bleeding from the face. "Well, I thought to myself, this better be more than a scratch with all this hype." Seriously the dispatch sends us out and guess who the fuck is right behind us full lights and sirens, the fucking fire dept. Thank god those guys are here! What would I do with an audience to preform for. I wouldn't be able to work without 5 people putting in their 2 cents.

Its a TCN who took a chain binder to the eyebrow. Per the translator, the guy was binding down chains on his truck and it snapped back. Thank god his face was there to stop the madness that might have ensued. A 4 mm laceration was what he had to show for it. Seriously Mahummad, I got up for this. For Christ sakes dude, its not even bleeding. "So, when did this happen to him?" I ask "G" our base translator. "After what sounds like the flem hauking competition at a old folks home, "Three hours ago." He replies. "He's from Pakastain." G throws in. Holy fucking shit, that changes everything, I'm going to give the best I have for this guy. "I didnt ask where he was from dude, I dont care, can he see out of both his eyes?" I snap back at G while I pick up the clipboard I just slammed in disgust up. Three hours? hmmm back in the states they wont touch anything after 6 hrs, and its not 176 thousand degrees C there and no real dust to speak of, so three hours here is about max for an "open" wound. "He can see but he says it hurts much" G replies as I am jotting down the info. Let me think about this for just a sec, you took a chain binder that was almost tight to the dome, no shit it hurts. I would like to meet the bad ass that says it tickles. "Let's get him in the truck and clean it up" I shout over the diesel motors at idle, as 15 sweat beads race down my back.

We put the guy on the stretcher in the back of the truck and start heading to the front gate. "G, tell him we dont take him to the hospital, the Kuwaitis will, we cant because hes a TCN." I say as I'm working on a set of vitals. B/P normal, pulse normal, SPo2 normal - so this guy isnt in really bad pain, look who doesnt get pain meds. Not like I have them and with the head injury I wouldnt give it anyway, but its the principal. We get to the dropoff point with the Kuwaitis about 15 miles away in no time and we are back to home base to do all the paperwork for a bullshit call. Fuck me these TCN's are ususally hardcore, not this pansie, he wont last in this line of work!

Back to the original story, get home on the 20th. I walk in my room and drop my bag and see a note on my desk in the room. Hey Bro, I found a dog in desert. Hes in the kitchen can you make sure he has water and food. Oh yeah, can you take him out to piss or just open the balcony door. He's wicked timid and nice Bro. Thanks!

WTF?!?!?!?! You have got to be shitting me. *pinch* nope its not a dream. There is a fucking loose desert dog in my kitchen. Wicked nice? Isnt that an oximoron? I remember signing a memo about apartment life in company housing. I must have missed the chapter where I am responsible for other peoples vagrant fucking pets. Aye Dios Mio. What the hell was this booze hound thinking. I have plans for the next two days off and it didnt envolve taking a german shepard that he found in the desert down to piss. This guy takes the cake on being a selfish prick. Nothing I can do right, the dog is here, and I'm not about to have the SPCA trying to get me extradited for animal crimes. So I head to the kitchen, with my knife in my hand. Bring it Cujo I'm ready for ya! I talk a big game but if he wouldve lunged I wouldve urinated all over myself in fear.

I eased the kitchen door open, ready to slam it at a moments notice. In the middle of the kitchen floor I saw what I can only attribute to the white trash hillbilly version of Rin Tin Tin. Hair all matted, skinny, bony, and a smell I would imagine a restaurant dumpster on a hot day smells. "Hey buddy" I whispered, with one foot still outside the door ready to make a break for it. As I scanned the kitchen floor, past the puddle of urine, half chewed dogfood, and chunks of hair, I noticed there was no water out for the little guy. Well, guess you need water little buddy. I strolled in like I owned the place trying to avoid the kennel like atmosphere that has now engulfed my kitchen. "Here ya go dude." I said as I set down a pan of water. He lapped at it like he hadnt drank in forever. I closed the kitchen door and headed to my room to take a little nap and make a call.

As I lay there trying to fall asleep and forget the fact I had another part of the root canal today to do, I thought back to a text msg from a couple of days ago. -I got a dog, found him in the desert. "Shit!" I said aloud, I forgot all about that. My roomate has had fido the matted wonder for two days now that he has been home and hasnt washed him at all?!?!? This guy should be the poster boy for animal rescues everywhere. Save a dog, then dont do shit about it. Its a catchy title right? I cant believe this guy. I have met some VERY interesting people in the military but this reject takes the cake. Wow, and someone let this upstanding member of society procreate? What a world we live in.

To sum it all up, I didnt let the dog out of the kitchen. I left the balcony door open for potty purposes and made sure he had food and water. I cleaned up a total of 5 puddles of urine from the kitchen floor during my two off. Dont worry though, Fido the matted wonder, didnt stop me from jetskiing and swimming in the pool. I know someone reading this thinks im cold hearted and shouldve hugged and loved this dog. Eat Me. Thats my response to you! Im not getting Kuwaiti super ticks, or whatever else this mutt was carrying.

ECP: So driving in this morning I had an accident. No, I didnt shart or pee a little, I hit something. The pop-up hydralics of the gate. Let me explain. Coming onto our base there is a gate. Obviously, right. There is always a gate outside a military base. Our base is special. There is ANOTHER gate inside the compound that we have to go through to get to the station. As I make the right to enter the ECP lane inside the compound, theres a sewage truck. I stop. I had to, what am I going to do rear end a poop-tanker. There wouldve been defecate everywhere. We dont need that kind of mess. So anyway the tanker pulls forward. I pull up, the specialist running said gate walks out. I slap our pass to enter that gate on the drivers window, being a smart-ass like always, he waves me through.

Let me explain the gate situation. When protected, these 4 ft tall solid steel 6" diameter poles come out of the ground. The thinking behind this is if a car runs towards the gate with evil in mind, these fantastic, well educated guards push a little button and the poles pop up stopping evil vehicle in its tracks. The way the gate is supposed to be run is with a 20 ft same size pole on an arm is supposed to be lowered. This drop down pole runs across the length of the lane into the base and is 5.5' off the ground and painted a bright yellow. The problem lies with the guards. This drop down pole requires them to put on a helmet and physically lift and bring down the gate. Too much work for these assholes. Its much easier to push a little button. Cant argue with that logic right? Wrong. If you are too lazy to physically lift a gate for 12 hrs. Maybe being a guard in the army isnt for you. Espically if you wave EMS through the gate WHEN THE FUCKING POSTS ARE OUT OF THE GROUND YOU JACKASS!!!!

So back to the story, he waves me through. I idle forward making sure not to fly through there and have some trigger happy 18 yr old open fire on the back of our rental car. Thats all I need. Medical emergency and the only people we have to rely on is a 25 min drive away. No way. As I idle forward I was paying attention to the gate guard. WHAM! 2009 GMC Envoy stopped dead in its tracks. It took me a min to figure out what happened. Did I just run over a TCN. I mean no one will really care but I hope his face didnt break the radiator support. I back up and they LOWER THE FUCKING POLES. We pull around to talk to them. They already have their 2nd Lt there. Great some dude who has been in the Army 2 weeks for the National Guard is here to help! YAY! "Well, our poles are ok, so there isnt anything we need to do." He says looking at the now dented front bumper. "Oh, your poles are ok?" I bark, pissed off. "Dont worry about us we are fine Sir"

End of it all, bumper dented, police report filed and pride bruised. All not my fault but its taken care of as far as I know.

UPDATE: Prior to posting this my roommate called asking me if I knew anyone that wanted the dog. He might be going home and doesnt want to fork over the $2500 to fly it home. Nope, I said to him and you better not leave that beast in our kitchen. Its nasty. Thats where I wash my clothes dude, seriously keep it in your room or something. Urine paw prints everywhere, and probably a land mine or two on the couch. Thats what I am expecting when I go home the day after tomorrow. Nasty. I cant wait until Al Coholic leaves! I need to move. Anyone need a roommate in Kuwait?